shenpa warrior

Blog has moved!

2009-07-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

As of July 2009 I have switched over to WordPress. Check it out!

May be switching to WordPress - Let me know what you think

2009-07-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

Due to ongoing problems with my comments, and a few other more narcissism-related issues, I may be moving from Blogger to Wordpress. Could you take a second and go to the new shenpa warrior blog on WordPress? Click here.

Let me know what you think (you can leave a comment here or there). If we all like the new blog better, I will try to move the url for this blog to that one, so hopefully no one will need to update their links.

Thanks in advance, and thank you for the help in the previous post.

going through some blog changes - please leave a comment to see if everything is working

2009-07-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

More than a few people have complained about the difficulty they have had commenting on my blog. One of my best friends even got so frustrated with it he said "I TRULY, TRULY, HATE this blog." Yes, we're still friends of course, but something had to change. I'm not much of a computer genius, but I thought if I completely scrapped the old template with all my inept hacks... perhaps it will start working better now.

On that note, please leave a comment (especially if you have had ANY trouble in the past commenting here - let me know what the trouble has been). Thanks in advance! If I don't get any comments, I'll know that there are still some bugs.

A few thoughts on movies

2009-07-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

I saw Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince last night.

I was hoping there would be all kinds of witches and whatnot at the theater, but apparently that's all for the midnight showing the day before.

A few thoughts:

WHO brings their babies to movies? Seriously. If they're still in the womb, fine, but otherwise, PLEASE find a time and a movie that no one else is at.
For those who love to talk THE ENTIRE TIME, please find the parents of #1 and go to movies with them. We had some wonderful teenage boys next to us, who DID NOT STOP talking. And then at the end, one of them said "that movie was stupid!" Really. You know what YOU'RE STUPID! Okay that was harsh, but at least I didn't curse him. (That's a really good link, by the way.)
How in the world did this movie get a PG rating? While it may not have been as intense as The Dark Knight or Pirates of the Caribbean, for example (which both should have been rated R - yeah, I re-rate our dvds, lol. Conspiracy Theory is now PG-13 if you want to watch it at my house), it wasn't PG worthy either. As usual, kids-in-mind helps out a lot more. The Incredibles, and UP were also rated PG...
Despite all that, the movie was really good I thought. More humor and lighter scenes than usual, and the actors seem to be getting better with each movie. Keep in mind this movie is setting up the last two, so just like the rest of the movies it doesn't really feel complete.

The Unfortunate Truth

2009-07-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

Most husbands need to step up to the plate.

For those who do, marital happiness stays, or actually increases if the couple has children. About 2/3 don't, however. They end up in relationships where the man works 8-10 hours a day, and the woman works 16 or more. Naturally, those wives (the 2/3 of married women) are not as happy--they experience a significant drop in marital satisfaction with the arrival of a new baby.

Even when both partners work, the woman usually does more housework, and more of the less desirable chores.

A few years ago Nat and I figured out (with some bad math) that she was doing 55% and I was doing 45% (this includes chores, work, and school). Naturally, we were both surprised at how low our percentages were. The only thing I'm sure of is focusing on 50-50 is not a good idea. Both partners need to be striving to help the relationship and each other.

How is the balance in your relationship? Are you focused on doing your share, or do you focus more on what you are doing and less on your partner?

Roundup: Canadian Healthcare, Gov. Sanford, & Excommunication

2009-07-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

Steve at The Zombie Chronicles once again reminds us why Obama's plan for health care will not be, for lack of a better word, socialist.
He also lists a succinct dispelling of the myths about Canadian healthcare. For example, most Canadian doctors do not work for the government, and there are no waits for urgent or primary care. Granted, no system is perfect, but I agree with Steve--we need a major change, and the fear mongering gets us nowhere.

Apparently some friends of Beliefnet's Steven Waldman feel that because Governor Sanford was in love with his mistress, he deserves more sympathy. Really? I think that fact makes his affair a LOT worse--affairs are WAY more damaging when love is involved.

On Gay LDS Actor, an openly gay and believing Mormon writes about his recent excommunication from the church, as well as his experiences as he continues to attend the meetings and engage in the faith. It is profound, despite your religious (or lack of) persuasion.

How well do you know your partner?

2009-06-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

For the last seven months of 2009, I am going to work on one principle per month out of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Hopefully there will also be some things that stand out for you for working on your own relationships.
Nat and I have made a lot of progress with our EFT therapist during the past 8 months. It has been both exciting and exhausting, and sometimes I have not looked forward AT ALL to going. It has been hard work. Despite that, we are now a lot more understanding and patient with each other, and most importantly to me we know each other a lot better. The connection is stronger, and we don't as easily get caught in those same problems over and over again.

There are a lot of reasons why I want the best relationship possible, but an important one is to be a good example for others in committed relationships, and a positive influence on society in general. We ALL have challenges (sometimes quite significant, sometimes minor). Some relationships just don't work out.

I want to continually learn and grow in my relationship, and inspire others to get out of their comfort zone and get to work as well. Improving one's relationship is not just for "those people" who have "problems"... Also, not to single out men, but so often it seems their hubris is in the way of really getting to work on their relationships. If you're one of those men (or women), GET OVER YOURSELF! :)

The principle for July is to build and expand Love Maps. This is how much cognitive room (space in your brain!) you have for your partner. How well do you know them and their world? Do you know what has been bothering them lately? What have they enjoyed doing this week? Their favorite (or least-favorite) relative? What they think about organic food or how they feel about the book they are reading?

Take this quiz to find out how well you know your partner. Then, go ask your them an open-ended question (one that can't be answered with a 'yes' or 'no'). Ask them what they think or feel about something, and then listen. Put your thoughts on hold and just get to know their world. Surprisingly, a lot of couples don't ask each other very many questions like this. We should be continually building on what we know about those we care about, and they should feel known by us. This is very important to do over the course of one's relationship because people grow and change.

Love Maps are also the foundation for all good friendships, not just romantic relationships, so this principle applies to everyone!

shenpa warrior: The 2,760,016th most popular website in the country!

2009-06-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

According to "Alexa: The Web Information Company" there are only 2.76 million sites ahead of me. According to Technorati, shenpa warrior is also the 498,210 most popular blog. Well on my way to making a living in the blogging world! ;)

Another interesting thing on the site was the "search terms" that have brought in the most traffic:

taken movie
shenpa meaning
salt lake trib
eyring caffeine
eyring caffine
takes to satan
wall-e propaganda apple
my geekines knows no bounderies
joseph smith losing case
stop mormon losing faith

Speechless. It seems that most of those are not intentionally looking to read my blog. These are pretty fun though--check out yours! According to my statcounter, over 60% of visitors are also on the site for less than 5 seconds. :)

Money CAN Buy Happiness?

2009-06-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

We've all heard that "money can't buy happiness" ad nauseam. Now a study says it can.

In a social psychology class during undergrad we were taught that in general money does not make one happier, with the exception of wealth providing you with basic needs, and helping to fulfill significant life dreams that are in line with one's core values.

A recent study claims that money can also buy happiness in the sense that it provides some sense of control in cases of disaster or material loss. If you can't replace your wrecked car, you may be less happy than the person who can afford a new one. Reading further in the article, it says that what really matters is one's perception that they have an adequate amount.

Some thoughts:

The wealthy, the big businesses, etc. who are driven to always have more may never be able to rest. They may never feel secure. In fact, that sense of material security is indeed false and ephemeral, according to Buddhist teachings. This is also part of the reason for my disdain for capitalism. A free market may be better than s*cialism, but ultimately it runs on greed, fear, and insecurity. You can argue the "lesser of two evils" idea, but it is still evil, in the sense that it ultimately leads to suffering.
In order to be free from this suffering, and be happier, we should learn to find this security and peace with what we already have. Want more? Great, but don't seek more for the purpose of being happier. In the best case it will provide some temporary dopamine-laced thrills which will eventually die and a new fix will be needed.
All that being said, I am loving my new iPhone. Hypocrisy abounds!

What do you think? How is your happiness related to your bank account? At what point do you stop and decide that you have enough?

Let The Holy Spirit Clean Your Kitchen

2009-06-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

I have been working at an agency owned by a religious organization. No problems there. In fact, many of my fellow therapists do not belong to said religion, with no reprisals. We all get along pretty well. It's a different story in the bathrooms though.

In all the bathrooms there are automatic towel dispensers. I don't know what brand they are because the logos are all covered up with stickers of the agency's logo. Fine. I guess they don't want any advertising. The amusing part is, the normal part of the dispensers that instructs one to "wave your hand here" in order for a towel to come out, have all been covered with stickers that say "Pray 'N Dry."

Really.

Another employee (who was offended by proxy for all the fellow heretics, as well as those souls receiving counseling services) has pulled the stickers off a few times, but they come right back. Just like the WalMart does in South Park.

What do you think is the purpose of the stickers? Perhaps an object lesson on faith? I.e. if I stick my hand under there, a towel will come out? Or is it a reminder to pray to avoid getting sick? If that were the case the sign ought to be by the soap, as in "bless this soap that it will wash those germs off and I won't get swine flu!"

Little did I know, some trickster had beaten me to it. I went into a different bathroom at work today, and there was a sticker (obviously home-made) on the soap dispenser that read:

"Receive the Holy Spirit, then wash the @$%&#! out of your hands!"

That sticker made up for all the others. Now when I see "Pray 'N Dry" not only do my hands dry, but I get a good laugh as well. Thank you Pavlov. You made my day.

Some Sex Statistics from The Kinsey Institute

2009-06-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

Don't worry, it's just stats--nothing too uncomfortable.

Sex In Marriage:

3% of married women have not had sex in the past year. 1% of men.
13% of married couples have sex a few times a year.
45% a few times a month.
34% 2-3 times per week.
7% More than 4 times per week.

This is about what I have been telling clients (e.g. 2-3 times a week to 2-3 times a month is the "normal" range). One client who was wanting sex multiple times per day is obviously in the extreme, (although, I think that may be due to his not knowing how to emotionally connect in other ways).

Sexual Orientation:

90% of people consider themselves to be heterosexual, ~2% homosexual, ~2% bisexual, and ~4% as ‘something else’.
6.2% of men and 4.4% of women are attracted to people of the same sex.

I think it is important to consider not just the prevalence, but the diversity of experience and attraction beyond the simple gay or straight categories, including the fluid nature for some (but certainly not all).

Internet Pornography:

25% of men report* visiting a pornographic website in the last 30 days. 4% of women.
8% of men and women who use the Internet for sexual reasons reported significant problems associated with compulsive disorders.

I wonder if in more conservative or religious cultures this is a bigger problem because of the secrecy and greater amount of shame involved (which seem to make an addictive cycle worse). I would be curious about studies on this topic done on a cross-cultural/religious manner.

Masturbation:

5% of men and 11% of women have never masturbated.
35% of men ages 18-39 do not masturbate, 37% 'sometimes', 28% more than once per week.

For those who believe masturbation is something that needs to be abstained from, how do you teach your kids while at the same time not instilling them with excessive guilt and feelings of isolation, when in fact more than 90% do at some point?

Orgasm:

62% of women in relationships are “very satisfied” with the frequency of orgasm.

This seems to be in stark contrast to men, whom except in rare cases almost always have an orgasm during sex. Nature's cruelty to women!

Contraception:

More than 120 million couples a year have an unmet need for contraception.

Think about all the unwanted pregnancies that would not occur if these people had this need met!

Rape:

14.8 % of women in the U.S. are raped at some point during their life.

This stat is scary. I had no idea it was so high. My wife actually thought it was low. Scary.

*Keep in mind, these are all self-report statistics. Some could be higher or lower.

What do you think? Anything surprising here (on the low end or the high)?

Fun with Deity & Billboards

2009-06-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

Not believing in God is the cause of war.

God doesn't like the Big Bang Theory. I don't know why. Anyone have an idea?

Which sign came first I wonder...

This one's a classic. Watch out for that atheist family next door. Their son may shoot you. Then again, I can see their point. If you believe that people are inherently depraved and evil, without God they certainly would turn bad. What's wrong with believing in God AND the inherent goodness of people?

A Middle Way for Anger

2009-06-08T00:00:00.000-07:00

"What is called for today is NOT the ungoverned gush of raw feelings, but a new civility that accommodates the expression of angry emotions."

For a marriage class I am teaching, I have been reading Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion. Apparently there is indeed a middle ground between suffering in silence and unbridled self-expression, and it is a myth that we have "bottled up" emotions that have to be let out. Not surprisingly, finding a balance in the middle is best.

We have a choice regarding what to do with our anger. “We do not need to deny our mammalian, primate heritage, but we do not need to reduce ourselves to it, either.”
Ventilating our anger just makes us more angry, especially if we can't really make a change. Want to hate ____ (liberals, George W. Bush, militant atheists, CEOs, Hollywood, Evangelicals, Utah, Mormons, war, gays, anti-gays, broccoli, WalMart) even more? Continue to talk about your dislike, as passionately as you can. It really works!
Controlled use of angry expression or catharsis can indeed be beneficial and promote change, only when certain circumstances are in place: 1-It must be directed at your target, 2-It must give you a sense of control, 3-It must change your target's behavior OR give you new insights, 4-You must speak the same anger language as your target (i.e. both parties at least understand the way the other side is using anger), and 5-There must be no retaliation from your target. If there is, contention will usually ensue and the problem will only get worse.
Emotions almost never occur alone. When we are angry about something, there are often other emotions involved, such as hurt, fear, sadness, loneliness, etc. Expressing only anger will exclude and drown out the other emotions. In relationships, a key is to express your other feelings, which may be more likely to lead to fixing the problem, rather than defensiveness from your partner.
Rage or venting is not a biological imperative, but rather a learned and habitual way of dealing with anger.

I think it is important to realize that not all anger is the same, and that it can be beneficial. Again, moderation.

How do you deal with your anger? How do you respond to your kids when they are angry? How is anger in public (online, in politics, protests, arguments) used, and when is it effective--or not?

Why Criticizing Obama for Choosing a Hispanic Woman is Racist

2009-06-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

I am a product of white privilege. While I don't feel guilty about it, I do believe it is my responsibility to help those who have not been as fortunate to be successful, and that includes people of other cultures and backgrounds.

Where do you stand on this issue? I think what irks me the most is people like Pat Robertson who claim "reverse discrimination." Seriously, he thinks white people are not fairly treated. Where is "REALLY? with Seth and Amy" on this issue when I need it? White people have been getting theirs since the beginning of time. Please, don't worry about me. I'll be OKAY without the minority scholarship.

Should race or gender have any influence in the nomination something like of a supreme court justice or employee of the month? Obviously anyone would be accused of playing the race card if they chose the one Hispanic out of a group of white people. But that accusation itself smacks of racism.

Sometimes the "future" really does look like BTTF Part 2

2009-06-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

I totally want this game.

When I saw this it totally looked like something from a movie 10-20 years ago, where someone (perhaps Marty McFly) goes to the future and they see all kinds of strange, yet very cool, things. Still waiting for the hoverboard.

For some kids, life is REALLY bad

2009-06-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

Being a CASA volunteer a few years ago, and for the last two years working with foster children has opened my eyes to the reality that some children in our society face. I had no idea how bad it really gets for some. We should not be burying our heads in the sand.

Has anyone read A Child Called "It"? It was required in the CASA training as a sort of "welcome to the field, read this to prove you have some empathy" test. An acquaintance of mine wrote a critical review of the book a while back. While there is certainly nothing wrong with that, it really shows how many of us are completely unaware of what the lives of many children are like. Here is part of what she said:

"I classify this under non-fiction with tongue in cheek. The author claims it is the truth, but that's been called into question by the media and literary groups, and pretty much anyone reading it would have a hard time believing all the things happened which the author claims."

Whether or not the book is factual is really not the point. The author may very well have fabricated or sensationalized his early life in order to make a profit. Who knows? The point is that while the stuff that the boy's mother inflicts on him in the book is not a pretty sight (mostly emotional and some physical abuse), his story is not abnormal for the foster care field, and probably anyone I have worked with for the last two years could offer you a dozen case examples that were more horrific than that of the boy in the book.

Yes, perhaps "pretty much anyone reading" the book "would have a hard time believing all the things happened." I agree. It is hard to believe, until you realize they are really happening.

Not everyone is cut out to work in the foster care field--I've only been doing it part-time for two years, and have probably had enough. If you know any foster parents (who are not just doing it for the money) or counselors who work with children and trauma, they deserve your upmost admiration and respect. In terms of deserving praise on a national scale, they should be on par with the military.

Hugs

2009-05-29T08:25:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love hugs?

Who doesn't need them? Touch and closeness with others is in fact necessary for survival. It also lessens the intensity of pain and strengthens the immune system. According to a 2003 study, more hugs are related to better cardiovascular health and less reactivity to stress.

Apparently some high schools have banned hugging, while others embrace it. If appropriateness is a problem there is always the safe "side-hug" to fall back on.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Here's probably my favorite music video. Music by DMB and a lot of hugs by a guy with some sweet sideburns.

What is your stance on hugging? Close friends and family only? New friends? Weird guys running around on the street? Trees? Personally, I like any opportunity for a good hug, as long as it feels safe. Granted, hugs with my wife are more frequent and last a little longer, but being able to hug someone is a sign that there is comfort there--some kind of positive connection.

Your Favorite Children's Books

2009-05-24T05:57:00.001-07:00

Among the many children's books we checked out yesterday at the library for our toddler was Bud and Gabby. I was thinking, "great, two cats, nice artwork, what could go wrong? It was all downhill from there. The idea for the story was decent--the cats are friends, one gets sick and has to go to the vet. Eventually it returns and they are reunited. Almost Zen-like in simplicity.

However, the writing is awful, which is quite unfortunate because my son really likes the book. Again it seemed the author was going for simplicity, but it's quite disjointed and almost painful to get through. I almost wanted to send a note to the illustrator that she should find a new writer, but it's the same person... Even more inexplicable is it received some kind of "Teacher's Pick" award. Has anyone else read this book? Perhaps we are missing something.

There are many great children's books, however. Goodnight Moon won me over with the existential "Goodnight nobody" page. I also like Moo Baa La La La. What are some that you grew up with, or like(d) reading to your kids?

LDS-related posts are still moving

2009-05-22T08:14:00.001-07:00

I recently deleted my "best and worst Mormon quotes" post, because it has moved (and been improved quite a bit) to Mormon Matters. I realized that one of the reasons I started posting there was that I have many friends and readers of this blog who are not as interested in the Mormon stuff (just as I had earlier moved my personal stuff to a different blog, as well as all the baby photos (if you want links those, send me an email).

So, for the future, I will try to keep the solely-LDS posts at Mormon Matters, although I may at least announce here when I have a new post there. My new MM most: Best and Worst of Mormonism: Quotes!

So, if it's a purely LDS topic, it will be there. If it's a mixture Buddhism, Mormonism, Science, etc. then it may still go up here.

Thanks!

Home Theater Addiction

2009-05-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

I've been slowly building the best inexpensive home theater possible. By best I mean not a set from a box at Wally World, and by inexpensive I mean on a grad student budget. I have also used a lot of credit card points. I also put everything on my Amazon wish list, then monitor the price for a while.

What I currently have:

37" Vizio LCD

Panasonic DMP-BD35 Blu-ray player

Yamaha NS-C225 center speaker

Yamaha NS-333 speakers - these are currently in front, but will move to the back surrounds in the future. There is also a pair being used for regular surrounds.

Yamaha RX V663 7.1 Receiver

Still to come:

Yamaha NS-777 speakers (for the front).

Yamaha 10 inch sub. This will have to wait until we're done with apartment life. Someday the Vizio will also be upgraded to a 1080p projector. Someday when I have something called a salary.

Anyone else have any materialistic proclivities?

What is a person?

2009-05-05T22:59:00.000-07:00

Next week I will be "defending" my Personal Theory of Counseling paper. Defending is in quotes because it's not a thesis. I have been working on the six-page monstrosity for a year and a half though. You can see some of the evolution of this section (progress?) by checking out a similar post I wrote at Mormon Matters last year. If anything this will give you all some insight into my view of earthlings (self included, of course!).

Here is my first section, on what a person is.
I. Nature of the Person
All human beings have individual minds, which vary in temperament and are capable of independent thought and action. These minds are called intelligences, and are eternal and without a beginning. In a natural yet mysterious process our Heavenly Father and Mother gathered these intelligences and combined them with their nature in embryonic form, creating our spirits. This nature includes a basic goodness and the ability to grow and become perfect like them. Our spirit enters our physical body when we are born.

Human Beings:
1. Seek out safety and exploration.
2. Are growth-oriented.
3. Have free will.
4. Are born with heredity from their biological family.
5. Experience happenstance.
6. Have meta-cognitive and meta-emotional capabilities.
7. Seek out structure and values.
8. Get stuck in habitual ways of regulating emotions and managing stress.
9. Are able to create meaning.
10. Have the ability to forgive others and repair relationships.

What do you think? Anything not make sense? What would you add (especially to the numbered section, as there are obviously going to be different views on the opening paragraph)?

Graduation is Saturday!!!

Laser Tag and Shopping Carts

2009-05-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I played (read: attempted to play) laser tag. Other than the exasperating experience of running into packs of 4'0" gun-toters, it's quite fun. I would recommend one game anyway. The second starts to get a little redundant. Kind of like bowling, or kick ball.

I thought I was pretty clever with my code name (yes, you get code names). I was "The Others." I thought for sure that I would win with that name, but no such luck. 11th place out of 24. Most of the rest of the party were law students with names (that only law students would really laugh at) like "J. Scalia."

This experience got me thinking... what else from our younger days have we abandoned? We may not get a thrill from kick-the-can anymore, but in this blessed country of ours, do we still find time to experience some child-like thrills?

I LOVE riding on the back of shopping carts at the grocery store. I don't plan on stopping until I'm no longer physically able. One of my heroes, the chemist Henry Eyring Sr., used to do standing jumps onto his desk in the middle of meetings with students. Even up to late in his life he would challenge other students to a 40-yard dash.

Anyone up for a game of kickball? What do you like to do that produces the same unbridled joy of youth? What do you like to do for fun when you don't think anyone is watching?

100 Days of Obama Spin. What else is new?

2009-04-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

For the first 100 days, President Obama has stuck to the facts--mostly. Except for a few very small and meaningless deceptions... nothing wrong with dishonesty as long as it's not huge right? Republicans have struck back with some of their own spin. Chain e-mails are apparently the worst culprit. Is anyone still giving heed to these emails for anything other than amusement? The medium has been completely invalidated.

Fact Check: 100 Days of Spin.

Once again the truth can be found somewhere in the middle (as long as that middle is free from bias). I do not think it is possible to get reliable facts or accuracy from either side.

This is a problem I have seen with interpreting history as well. Are the writers of the so-called history books we are reading free from any kind of agenda or bias? If they are not, are we aware of the lenses through which they are writing or even gathering their information?

Bible: Some Have Enough, Others Can't Get Enough

2009-04-27T12:37:00.000-07:00

***This post is a continuation from the thread on Prop. 8, which became a discussion on the Biblical interpretation and Christianity, among other things.***

A few biblical questions:

What kind of role does the Bible play in your life?

Do you view the Bible to be infallible? If so, do you believe the words or the message to be infallible?

With so many people (even in the same religion or faith group) disagreeing on interpretation of verses in the Bible, is an objective and "true" interpretation possible? How would you propose it?

Where do you get your interpretation from? Do you rely on scholars, commentaries, feelings, or a combination of the three?

Would you let this man read to your kids?

2009-04-25T13:03:00.000-07:00

Even for non-Lost fans, this clip is a must see. I'm hoping for a whole series of creepy nursery rhymes...

BYU and the difference between Apost(l)e and Apost(at)e

2009-04-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

This may be old news now, but it's too good to pass up. Somewhere, I think God had a good laugh.

The caption below the main photo above reads "Members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostates..."

Bad spell-checker? Nefarious prank by smarmy BYU IT guy? Freudian slip? Divine intervention? Or perhaps just fodder for a good laugh.

Guns & Fast Food

2009-03-31T13:29:00.000-07:00

Angry customer blasts McDonald's drive-through
Man fired sawed-off into window after being told menu was breakfast-only.
The Salt Lake Tribune

"A McDonald's drive-through was shot up early Sunday after a customer was angered that the restaurant had shifted from the lunch menu to the breakfast menu, police said. The driver of a white Dodge Intrepid pulled into the drive-through at about 2 a.m. at McDonald's at 210 W. 500 South in Salt Lake City and ordered food from the lunch and dinner menu, police said.
When a clerk told her the restaurant was serving only items from the breakfast menu, the woman drove to the second window, police said. Two men got out of the car, and one pulled a sawed-off shotgun out of the trunk, police said. He fired once or twice into the drive-though window before the two men and the woman left on 500 South and turned north on 300 West, police said..."

What is it with fast food and guns? Just a few weeks ago a guy with a concealed permit stopped a robbery at a Burger King, killing the robber in a shootout... and then there's the young reactionary who "accidently" destroyed a toilet (and was injured by dangerous toilet shrapnel) while zipping up his pants at Carl's Jr.

The most important question: WHO on this planet prefers the so-called lunch/dinner menu at McDonald's over their breakfast? Big Macs over the delicious bacon egg and cheese biscuit? Really?
Perhaps Obama has inadvertently caused an increase in fast-food gunplay, in addition to free NRA memberships.

New Group Blog: LDS Psychology

2009-03-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

I have joined a group blog, ldspsychology.com, and will be posting there in the near future! It's just getting started, but if it fits your demographic and/or you are interested, check it out.

Your Brain and Sex

2009-03-21T15:09:00.000-07:00

...was the topic of a great presentation I went to today. Granted, when you have a choice between "Your Brain and Sex" or "Ethics in Counseling Management" the choice is clear.

Some highlights:

Marriage counseling is basically trauma work. "People say marriage counseling doesn't work, but statistics aren't very good in trauma surgery either." This is yet another case for PREVENTION! Work on your marriage before you need counseling.
Addicts, at a basic level, are addicted to dopamine. The presenter opined that "orgasm is the largest naturally occurring rush of dopamine. The initial heroin high is similar to a two-minute sustained orgasm... now I don't want anybody running out looking for heroin!"
Often women are blamed (or blame themselves) for a lower sex drive, and may be diagnosed with low sexual desire, but "How can you diagnose someone with decreased desire, when there’s not much there that is worth desiring?”
People get caught in the "Dopamine/Prolactin Rollercoaster" which occurs when a desire for a new partner increases dopamine, which can begin an addictive cycle of increasing amounts of dopamine followed by bursts of prolactin.
The "Coolidge Effect" - New sexual stimuli creates a quick fix that may start the cycle over again. More types or more frequency of sex for couples may actually make things worse in the long term. Variety to deal with sexual lulls are not enough. Couples need to know how to deepen their intimacy and bonding (which is associated with Oxytocin). Oxytocin facilitates stability in the desire/orgasm/resolution cycle shown below. This effect also suggests that moving quickly into a sexual relationship may result in a faster dissolution of the relationship.
People often interpret the dopamine rush with a new person as "there's something here" when there is really not. The presenter suggested that people should interpret is as "I need to do something more in my own relationship."
Regarding sex ed, if we are just teaching abstinence, or just that sex is bad, we may actually make the problem worse! When something is taboo it becomes more biologically enticing. He suggests that we teach our children what is happening with their bodies, and encourage them to find other ways of getting dopamine that involve bonding and commitment, such as through sports.

No God in School

2009-03-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

...apparently leads to all kinds of things, including abortion, violent music, and the cessation of spanking your kids. Watch out! Anyone else get this email?

God says he didn't save all the kids who have been killed in school shootings because he isn't allowed in school? Wha? What kind of God is that?
We shouldn't have organized prayer in public school. Keep it personal, or keep it in seminary. No one should be subject to be around open religious practice in a public school if they don't want to be, especially when they're a minority. I don't want my son to feel like he has to pray to someone else's Jesus just because everyone else is doing it.
The video tries to suggest that the Bible is only full of common sense and wisdom, and therefore should be allowed in schools. Really? The intention here is not to Christianize public schools? Actually, I think the Bible should be allowed in school, right along with every other religious text, but in that case it should be used for academic purposes.
Did Dr. Spock really say spanking would warp our kids' personalities? It may not do that but it may make them more aggressive. This point really lost me. Is the cessation of spanking really a sign of the downfall of society? How about just better parenting?
Teacher's shouldn't touch students? Isn't that a good idea? If you need to touch a student it better be an emergency and require a restraint. Otherwise, does the video suggest that smacking them around a bit is a good idea?
... and no spanking of the kids leads right to... ABORTION? wow where's the missing link there?
Giving out condoms is a bad idea? Granted, I definitely believe in abstinence for high-schoolers, but I believe even more in not making babies in high school! As a poster in my supervisor's office says, "Become a High School Grad before you become a Quality Dad!" What the school nurse needs to do is tell the kids that the condoms may not work, and you may get pregnant anyway, so here's where you can get other forms of protection.
It doesn't matter what people do in private, unless it affects other people. In that case I agree. Like if our POTUS was doing meth in the closet.
BUT, this leads right to child porn right? Hmm.
And child porn leads to bad music? Wow we're taking a step back here.
And this leads to our kids killing strangers. Now that's a slippery slope!

Do you think organized prayer should be allowed in public schools?

Do you think not spanking is a bad idea?

What think ye?

Marriage Sunday School Class

2009-03-15T16:45:00.000-07:00

I am teaching a class on marriage and relationships at church starting next month... Please go to Mormon Matters and offer some sage advice!

Poll on Marriage Counseling

2009-03-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Since my wife and I have started seeing a counselor (trying to make that 8/10 marriage into a 9.8 out of 10), we have had various reactions from friends and family. Some think it's a good idea for anyone, some are a little jealous, and some recoil with horror and try to make excuses for why we would need to do such a thing. "Surely it must be for your training, Adam." Little does that third group know, we like going. We are actually regular people with regular problems, and don't want to settle for anything less that pretty much amazing. Which is important because contrary to popular belief, people who have higher standards and expectations for their marriage have the best marriages, not the worst.

While I certainly don't think everyone needs to go, even if they have the opportunity, it is a great resource, and I am curious why many of us don't. Time for a poll!

For those voting "other," feel free to leave a thought in the comments. :)

2009-03-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

NOT "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley Glass

My review

5 of 5 stars

Excellent research/clinically based overview of infidelity, how to prevent it, and how to get over it. The first few chapters are helpful for any committed relationship, regardless of whether an affair has occurred or not. I recommend the rest as well to anyone who needs help, or is interested in understanding how affairs happen in good (and bad) marriages, and what the unfaithful spouse, betrayed spouse, and even the affair partner go through.

While I have often heard the idea that married couples should "never be alone with a member of the opposite sex" and in some cases going so far as to say you should not even be friends, Glass outlines a much more practical yet still safe way to work with and have relationships with those of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on one's orientation):

Be completely open with your partner about what is going on between you and the other person.
Don't have lunch at work with the same person alone every time. If you have to travel with them, meet in public rooms, and never in a room with a bed.
"Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives."
If you need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a "friend of the marriage," i.e. they support your relationship. Make sure your friends are supportive of your relationship.
Discuss your online friendships with your partner. (Currently my wife does not have facebook, for example, so we talk about my online friends occasionally.)

Facts about infidelity:

It is normal to be attracted to another person, but fantasizing about what it would be like to be with them is a danger sign.
A happy marriage does not prevent infidelity.
Emotional affairs are characterized by secrecy, emotional intimacy, and sexual chemistry. They can be more threatening than brief sexual flings.
Only 3% of unfaithful spouses end up marrying their affair partners.

View all my reviews.

2009-03-04T22:17:00.000-08:00

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars

Hold Me Tight presents an attachment-based view of adult romantic love and relationships, based on the author's own Emotionally Focused Therapy... a lot of great info on working with emotions in your relationship, and not getting caught up in the same patterns up conflict that plague pretty much all of us. However, I think that the attempt at putting the highly interactive and experiential (not to mention effective!) therapy into book form was not a complete success--if it is even possible.

Read the book, especially the parts you can relate to (there will be plenty). Then if you have the inclination, find an EFT therapist. My wife and I have been to 8 sessions now, and are loving it. It is quite liberating to have new emotional experiences in therapy that allow for new ways of dealing with old problems and cycles of conflict.

View all my reviews.

Movie: Taken

2009-03-04T06:51:00.000-08:00

"I don’t know you who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking for a ransom, I can tell you, I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills acquired over a very long career in the shadows, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you. And I will kill you."
It may not be Oscar worthy, and the above line from Liam Neeson in the film (as a retired spy, but who cares) sums up the entire plot, but no matter, the movie was full of the bad guys getting their express version of karmic payback. No ransom negotiations, well, no negotiations at all after the warning above. Sometimes I love movies like this. You don't have to think much. You can just sit and feel the cathartic bliss that is Liam Neeson opening up a can on the bad guys--who aren't always black and white, but Liam doesn't care!

You know in movies when the protagonist goes into a building full of bad guys, and you start to worry about your hero--what might happen to him, will they catch him--well, in this movie the good guy goes into that building, and you start to laugh in a disturbing kind of way, because you know the bad guys are soon going to be kicking the bucket. Highly recommended if you like action, Liam Neeson, and shock and awe-ish revenge on kidnappers. Or any of the above.

on "bigot" and "hate" and practicing peace

2009-02-21T14:37:00.000-08:00

The words "hate" and "bigot" seem to get tossed around freely. Personally, I don't think using them is good for anything (other than for expressing anger, which has been shown to generally make people even more angry, and thus more divided), and hurts the user more than anyone.

For those of you who don't care, and are going to continue to call people hateful or bigoted, are you at least using the terms accurately?

bigoted:

"obstinately convinced of the superiority or correctness of one's own opinions and prejudiced against those who hold different opinions"

hate:

"feel intense or passionate dislike for someone"
"have a strong aversion to something"

Perhaps the words are being used accurately. I suppose under the definitions above, many of those who are against gay marriage (for example) could correctly be called bigoted or hateful. At the same time, however, it seems that many of those on the other side are often bigoted and hateful in response. What to do? Where is this cycle taking us?

Whatever side you may be on, whatever your opinions may be on any number of issues, how do you stand up for them, and work for what you believe is right, without resorting to the same aggressive and self-poisoning modi operandi that your so-called enemies use?

On a related note, how can we condemn war and international aggression when we can't even curb it in ourselves? I believe we must first practice peace within and around ourselves. We must find a way to express ourselves in productive ways. Or not.

Not so creative headlines

2009-02-17T07:38:00.000-08:00

So are ESPN and SI both owned by Disney now? Or is one of them just having a hard time coming up with an original headline?

Sports Illustrated:

ESPN:

"Trillions" of inhabitable worlds

2009-02-15T14:24:00.000-08:00

God, to Moses:

"And worlds without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose; and by the Son I created them, which is mine Only Begotten... For behold, there are many worlds that have passed away by the word of my power. And there are many that now stand, and innumerable are they unto man; but all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them."

According to this article, there are "trillions" of planets similar to earth on which life could exist. Whether life on these other planets is intelligent or not is another matter entirely, but many of them may contain bacteria.

According to this article, the fact that I believe in science and religion is "doomed to fail":

"A true harmony between science and religion requires either doing away with most people's religion and replacing it with a watered-down deism, or polluting science with unnecessary, untestable, and unreasonable spiritual claims."

I'm not sure why, but apparently this smarty-pants (I'm only saying that because the article is in the New Republic) professor thinks that I will have to do away with most of my beliefs, or pollute my science with unnecessary spiritual claims. I don't see why that is necessary. Any thoughts?

Granted, I don't make spiritual claims in science class. But I know enough for myself.

Salt Lake Trib comments that make me smile

2009-02-13T12:10:00.000-08:00

From "sandyboy" on fixing the immigration problem in Utah:

The only immigrants Utah should send packing are the ones that arrived es masse in 1847 bringing their ridiculous religious superstitions, litters instead of families, and cluttering the landscape with their architectural abortions....I think they called them "temples". THEN Utah might be more inhabitable.

How 'bout it Utah?

2009-02-10T13:39:00.000-08:00

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not oppose civil unions (officially, the church "does not oppose civil unions or domestic partnerships.") Repubican Governor Jon Huntsman Jr. said yesterday that he supports them. Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention that Esteemed Sen. Chris Buttars is against them.

For those of you still against them, what say ye?

For all of us, is this a possibility, or are we wasting our breath?

Sunstone Essay

2009-01-27T09:51:00.000-08:00

As you might have guessed, things have been pretty busy lately with school and flying all over the place for doctoral interviews.

To tide you over I wanted to post the final version of what I wrote on Prop. 8 for Sunstone Magazine in December.

It is an adaptation of my post here a few months ago, so it's not required reading. ;)

I Love You, Period.

I tried to remain as neutral as possible on the gay marriage debate, passing it off with, "Well, I don't live in California, so I don't have to make a decision." However, as the saying goes, "the personal is political."

My sister is gay. That has made this debate personal.

Just a few months ago I was talking with my sister’s friend (who is also gay) defending my LDS friends who believe the “I love you even though you’re gay” sentiment. I was arguing that one could love a gay family member and not accept (or even like) his or her sexuality.

My thinking shifted when she explained that for many people (possibly even me), their sexuality is a fundamental part of their personhood. So to truly love any kind of person, gay or otherwise, you cannot say, “I love you even though…” you have to say, “I love you, period.”

If my sister is gay, and God made her that way just as He made me straight, then I love that she is gay. For me, to be against gay marriage is to be against my own sister. How can I tell her, "You know, I love you but I really hate this particular fundamental part of who you are." I refuse to do that.

If that attitude is in conflict with the teachings of my faith, then it is something that I will have to just sit with, perhaps for the rest of my life. I love my sister too much, and I love my faith too much (which, paradoxically, has become more personal and more inspiring than ever in my life).

I hope my friends and family who disagree with me will be understanding and not decide that I have lost my testimony or am not following the prophet, both of which miss the point. There are simply some things you cannot reconcile or explain into neat categories. You just have to sit with them.

The best I can do is to allow this tension to make me a little softer, a little more humble, a little more patient. A little more like the One I claim to follow.

Different culture, or just barbaric?

2009-01-16T07:38:00.000-08:00

A mother in so-called "progressive" Northern Iraq, on the practice of castrating young females:

"This is the practice of the Kurdish people for as long as anyone can remember. We don't know why we do it, but we will never stop because Islam and our elders require it."

Note how the article refers to the practice as "female circumcision." Now there's a euphemism! Let's call it like it is. [Insert slam on liberal newspaper here].

Apparently up to 60% of Kurdish people in the area have had this horrific practice visited upon them by their mothers. I don't blame them, they are caught up in a vicious cycle, and the mother's quote above spells that out.

Where do we draw the line with our own beliefs? At what point do we say, enough is enough? That is up for everyone to decide for themselves, but like my father said recently, if the prophet commands us to slaughter another wagon train from Arkansas, I'm out!

What kinds of faith-related things have been difficult in your life? Obviously "faith" is not really knowing, but where would you draw the line? If there has already been something too much in your life or religion, what made you say "okay, this is too much"?

Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)

2009-01-04T17:23:00.000-08:00

Mistakes Were Made (but not by me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson

rating: 5 of 5 stars

This was the best book I have read in the last few years. Highly recommended. It was so informative and engaging that I think I wore out my welcome reading it out loud to anyone who was nearby.

Written by two social psychologists and based on years of research, it provides a fascinating overview of cognitive dissonance, and how it applies to prejudice, memory, law, marriage, and war. The most chilling point is how we are all subject to dealing with dissonance (usually in self-justifying ways), what we think we know or remember is probably not the case (regardless of which side we're on), and most of our leaders and public figures shirk responsibility for their mistakes.

A few highlights:

Reasoning areas of the brain "virtually shut down" when we are confronted with dissonant information, and emotion circuits light up when consonance is restored. Basically, this shows that there is a neurological basis for the fact that once we make up our minds, it is pretty hard to change them.
Naïve realism - the "inescapable conviction" that we all have, that we see things as they really are. If someone has a different opinion they obviously aren't seeing things clearly.
Being "absolutely, positively sure" a memory is correct does not mean it is. We can have vivid false memories full of emotion and detail. People can recover memories of abuse, which is shown to be dubious, and even experience alien abduction without it actually happening. Basically, we can have experiences that we think are real, especially in the past... yet they never happened. Without some outside confirming source, we cannot trust our memories too much.
Parent blaming - a convenient form of self-justification; it allows people to live with regrets or mistakes because all the mistakes were made "by them."
Both Bill Clinton and George W. Bush have been guilty of self-justification and failure to admit their mistakes. The last president to clearly admit to a major mistake was John F. Kennedy. The two presidents to use the phrase "mistakes were made" the most were Richard Nixon (of course) and Ronald Reagan. What is so insidious about the phrase (which Clinton even joked about using so much) is that it is a complete avoidance of responsibility.
Finally, resolving dissonance is not completely bad, and does serve to preserve our beliefs, confidence, and self-esteem. However, it also gets us into trouble. Hence, the authors suggest that it is possible to remain committed to a religion, political party, or partner, yet understand that "it is not disloyal to disagree with actions or policies" that one believes is inappropriate, misguided, or immoral.

May we all recognize when we are feeling dissonance, and rather than justify our actions or those of religious or political leaders, and stand up for what we believe. We do not disown a best friend when they do something we disagree with. But that does not mean we have to agree with them. "A friend is still a friend, and a mistake is still a mistake." May we all learn to resolve dissonance in healthy ways when possible, and when it is not possible, learn to sit with it.

Read this book! It is not very long, is very engaging, and you will learn a LOT about yourself and society.

There is also an NPR podcast on this book and cognitive dissonance: Why It's Hard to Admit Being Wrong.

facebook: "Whoa, hold the nursing and give them more suggestive ads."

2008-12-31T07:44:00.000-08:00

Why is this:

More sexually explicit than this?:

The first picture was removed by facebook a few days ago. The other is one of many ads (and photos) that facebook allows (or gets money from!), and continues to harass people who aren't interested in prostitutes. What is up with our standards? facebook has been pulling pictures of mothers nursing their babies to make it a comfortable place for "everyone" to go, but yet they do nothing about the countless suggestive ads (like the one above, which is for a dating site--yes, a "real" dating site)? Here is an article that addresses their policy. It is not just facebook either. The media gets away with all kinds of material that is supposed to by "child" friendly... what about the above ad is child friendly? But gosh, if a woman's breast is shown in the context of nursing, then it's taken down? Aren't a lot of these children still nursing anyway?

Perhaps breastfeeding babies cannot afford to be airbrushed, nor do they bring in the same revenue of more obscene content.

I don't have a problem with facebook specifically. They can set whatever rules they want to, no matter how ridiculous or inconsistent. It is our society that has produced these backwards standards.

Completely Subjective Top 5 Movies in 2008

2008-12-28T13:38:00.000-08:00

After reviewing the movies I saw this year, I realized that for the most part, they have all been summer megacorp blockbusters.

There are a few that I still plan to see, like Eastwood's Gran Torino or Rachel Getting Married (can't pass up Eastwood as a racist curmudgeon, nor any movie about family strife, due to my professional interests).

What did you like this year? Any gems that I have missed? Feel free to be honest, because really, my list is pretty main-stream.

The Dark Knight - No contest, at least for the IMAX version.
Mamma Mia! - By no means a great film, but with the energy of the theater crowd I loved it.
There Will Be Blood - Yes, it was released in 2007 (on Dec. 26th) for Oscar consideration. However, I saw it this year, and was amazed. Kind of a downer, but powerful.
Iron Man - Burger King successfully marketed their cheeseburgers, to me anyway.
Wall-E.

Honorable Mention: The X-Files: I Want to Believe - Mulder and Scully together again. As long as the chemistry is there, you could put them in Indiana Jones or Cloverfield and I would watch it.

Two superheroes, Pierce Brosnan singing, and Pixar? Do I need to expand my tastes a little? Other movies I considered but felt they were ultimately flawed:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Just because it's long, doesn't mean it's a good movie. Plus, too much of it felt Forrest Gump-y. Take out 45 minutes and it would be pretty decent, with some interesting themes and a few existential dilemmas.
Pineapple Express - Watched it on a plane. Really funny, but ultimately way too violent in a senseless B-movie kind of way, which ended up just feeling weird.
Horton Hears a Who - Who knows? If I had not of fallen asleep, it may have been really good!

I also want to make another plug for kids-in-mind. Our ratings system is still flawed, as Benjamin Button is not for 13 year-olds (in my opinion).

One of the reasons why I voted for Obama

2008-12-18T11:21:00.000-08:00

"Barack Obama has an ability to be friends with people he disagrees with."

What an idea!

Conservatives may find it pandering, liberals may be mortally offended, but I like Obama's choice of Evangelical Pastor Rick Warren to give the prayer at his inauguration. Perhaps some people are peeved by his choice, but it makes me proud to support our new President. We live in a pluralistic society. We often disagree on major issues, and the President has the job of uniting all of us. We all have differences of opinion, and sometimes they're pretty big. I believe we can always find some common ground, however. While Obama and Warren obviously do not agree on gay rights (nor do I), how can we really claim to believe in diversity if we don't accept those who don't accept us?

Perhaps liberals can embrace Obama's efforts, and truly become the party of tolerance:
"And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the [Re]publicans so?"

Books (mostly) read in 2008

2008-12-17T22:39:00.000-08:00

After reading a blog-friend's post about all the amazing books she read in a year, I thought I'd show off all the drivel that I've been reading! Well, there are a few good titles here...

nonfiction

Gang Leader for a Day - Sudhir Venkatesh - A sociologist's experience basically living with a Chicago street gang over the course of a few years. His story is also in Freakonomics.

Under the Banner of Heaven - Jon Krakauer - I previously wrote about this one.

Into Thin Air - Jon Krakauer - Almost finished... it's very intriguing, and making me feel not so bad about driving around in 8" snow.

The Gift of Therapy - Irvin Yalom

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail - John Gottman

Family Therapy: History, Theory & Practice - Sam Gladding

fiction

Mary Mary - James Patterson

Along Came a Spider - James Patterson

Judge & Jury - James Patterson

Four Blind Mice - James Patterson

The Brethren - John Grisham

Twilight - Stephenie Meyer

New Moon - Stephenie Meyer

Y: The Last Man, Volume 1 - Bryan K. Vaughan

The Sandman 1: Preludes & Nocturnes - Neil Gaimen

What stood out to me when making this list is that I have probably read parts of 20 or 30 more books (nonfiction of course, although I did stop from boredom halfway through Eclipse). Most of the fiction listed above was to keep me awake while driving, something that Patterson is generally pretty good at, although Krakauer has taken over as my driving stimulant of choice.

What has been your favorite book this year?

The Subaru Impreza WRX vs. The Chevy Citation II

2008-12-09T09:14:00.001-08:00

Highway 24
Originally uploaded by ashergrey

Some friends of mine who seem to be photography experts compared to my dilettantish efforts took these of their respective sweet rides. You decide for yourself which car is cooler, because I think it's a toss up!

the citation
Originally uploaded by jayacg17

''Sin as springing from deep and unmet needs on the part of the sinner''

2008-11-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

I know I said there weren´t going to be any posts until next week, but I recently read this quote from Spencer W. Kimball, and thought it was fantastic. Plus, it fits well into my personal theory of counseling.

“Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as springing from deep and unmet needs on the part of the sinner. This permitted him to condemn the sin without condemning the individual. We can show forth our love for others even when we are called upon to correct them. We need to be able to look deeply enough into the lives of others to see the basic causes for their failures and shortcomings.”

I would like to write more about what I believe `sin´ is, but that will have to wait. For now, I will just say that I believe sin is anything that slows or halts our progression. We all sin, it is part of life. What matters is our ability or effort in continuing on, in repairing relationships, and not giving up on the ultimate task of life, that of personal growth in ourselves and others. I think it is important to reframe the stigma of the word 'sin' into a conceptualization that is something that is a part of our lives, something that we need not loathe ourselves over, but rather rejoice that we have the opportunity to live and love and repair and even grow sometimes even though it can be painful.

bless them that curse you

2008-11-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

"I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye amay be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?"

Are we only to love those who love us? Accept those who accept us? We're all in the same boat, no matter what side of what proposition or debate. We're all part of humanity, and we all have plenty of excuses to "fight hate with hate." Does that mean we should?

Voting is part of the democratic process in our country. So are protests. Hate speech, incitement of violence, aggression, and vandalism are not.

It is not easy to hold onto a spirit of love, tolerance, and a desire to understand the fears and hopes behind any action that appears to be "hateful." But we should. We have to.

B. Hussein Obama as a scary man, and other observations

2008-11-06T06:17:00.000-08:00

Friend's Facebook Update: "****** is MOVING OUT OF THE COUNTRY because of B. Hussein Obama!"

Me: "I wanted to move 8 years ago, but the world didn't end like I thought it would. Regardless of how we feel about the new President, life will go on."

Friend: "You are right, life will go on but I don't want to live in a socialistic country! He is a very scary evil man who has fooled a lot of people!"

Me (trying really hard to be kind): "Wow, you have really strong feelings about it! It is interesting how we have all switched. I thought and still think that W. was scary and evil (well, mostly some people on his staff). So I guess the universe balances itself out. My condolences that you have that view of our new president. That is not a fun place to be. It was pretty rough on the other side of things for the past 8 years, so in a strange way I can understand how you are feeling."

The reactions to my gay marriage stance have been mixed (although many people were kind and understanding, even if they disagreed, so thank you). Here's one:

Friend #2: "Adam, you are KIDDING ON PROP 8 RIGHT?"

Me: "Did you read my blog?" (I had referred him here a few days ealier.)

Friend #2: "No, did you read the letter from the First Presidency?"

Me (once again trying to be kind): "Please read my blog."

After some discussion I was given these questions: "Do you think the prophet is just a guy with some good ideas?" and "Do you believe God is Your God or do you believe that God is God of the whole world?"

I played with those a little but it is not fun to be manipulated. Why do we ask those types of questions to each other? I know I have, especially online. Why do many of us listen to manipulate rather than understand?

After pointing out that prophets can sometimes be wrong, e.g. that "Brigham Young was racist," he said, "Everyone was racist." While I regretted bringing that up and continuing this type of discussion, I could not help but smile at the deep irony of his comment. "Everyone was racist." Now once again, I don't know what will happen 150 years in the future, but perhaps we as a people and a church will look back on today and excuse our current ideas with, "well, everyone was heterosexist."

Finally, for Utahns, how in the holy name of Buddha did Chris Buttars get reelected? Who were the 18,000 people in South Jordan that voted him in again? Do they not like black babies either?

My testimony, and why I'm against Prop. 8

2008-11-03T12:37:00.000-08:00

*What is Prop. 8?

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it is not a comfortable opinion to have. I often worry that other members will pigeon hole the rest of my beliefs into the fact that I'm not anti-gay marriage. So let me be absolutely clear.

I believe in Jesus Christ, that he is the Savior of the world, who will one day ease the suffering in the world and fix what is broken in most of us and our relationships. I believe we can turn to Him now for peace. I love the church for its community, trust in volunteer members, and its deep and inspiring theology. Almost everything good in my life has come as a direct result of my membership in the church. I love the temple. I believe I have felt the influence of God there on more than one occasion. Despite his flaws, I believe God worked through Joseph Smith. I love the Book of Mormon. I know it is good and true as much as I know that I love my wife and son.

I have tried to remain as neutral as possible on the gay marriage debate. Most of the time I just passed it off with "well, I don't live in California, so I don't need to make a decision." However, as the saying goes, "the personal is political." For me to be against gay marriage is to be against family, against good friends. How can I tell them, "You know, I love you but I really hate this particular fundamental part of who you are." I refuse to do that. People who are lesbian or gay who want to be married did not choose their sexuality any more than I chose to be straight. So it has become a personal issue for me. If I were in California on tomorrow, I would vote no on Prop 8, because I cannot discriminate against people I love. That is how I see it. I'm not saying you need to agree.

I don't know what will happen in the future, or what the "effects" of Prop 8 passing or failing will be. I could be misguided. I will continue to support the church and President Monson in every way that I can, and I am also grateful that the most fundamental aspect of the gospel is that of agency. While it is not easy having an opinion that is different from that of our leaders, I have disagreed with prophets in the past on polygamy and the priesthood ban, both unarguably huge issues. I am not using that as an excuse, but rather an example of how I can be a faithful member and not hate homosexuality.

I hope that my friends and family outside the church will respect my religious beliefs. I hope that my friends and family inside the church who disagree with me will be understanding and not decide that I have lost my testimony or some other temptingly easy but untrue explanation. The very least we can do with all this is allow it to makes us a little softer, a little more humble, a little more patient. A little more Christlike.

Related Posts:

Reminded why I like John McCain

2008-11-02T08:40:00.000-08:00

He hosted a few years ago and it was hilarious. Then again, SNL can make me a fan of almost anybody.

I think McCain is funnier than Obama. Why did he wait so long to bring out the humor in his campaign?

Here's McCain talking about his new strategy to be a "double maverick":

In a better world, McCain would not have had to court the conservative base, could have run on a platform with some major points being immigration reform and climate control, and could have picked Joe Lieberman as his running mate. I don't know if that would have been enough to sway my vote, but it would have made the decision a lot harder.

One-Sided Mormon History

2008-10-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer

My review

Rating: 2 of 5 stars
I like my history at least striving for accuracy and balance, and this book almost completely failed in that category. While the sensational style kept it very interesting, I think the author did a great disservice in leaving out all the relevant historical details that don't confirm his view. (Which is what many decidedly pro-LDS books suffer from.) In no way could this be considered a scholarly work. Two stars for being entertaining, and for the interesting thoughts about whether people who claim to receive revelation should be declared mentally incompetent in a trial. Has anyone else read this book? Any thoughts?

Will Ferrell Returns!

2008-10-24T09:48:00.000-07:00

If you missed it last night...

Some existential questions...

2008-10-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

"Death is the condition that makes it possible for us to live life in an authentic fashion." ~Irvin Yalom, M.D.

How do you feel about the quality of your life?
How would you answer if you knew you were about to die?

Nature of The Person

2008-10-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

New post of mine on mormon matters.

The Facts on Debate #2

2008-10-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

This should be standard viewing procedure after debates.

Taking care of our bodies

2008-10-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

Grad school takes a toll. After some minor/ongoing health issues, I have begun to realize that our bodies are basically like cars. We only have them for so many miles, they need fuel, and repairs. Some cars break down and die before their time, some last 300,000 miles, like my uncle's Suburban. Granted, that car is also a miracle of auto-science and duct tape.

I know that whether I exercise or not, I will eventually die. But I want to be as healthy as I can while I am alive. While I may not have as much time as Dara Torres or Lance Armstrong, one of my goals this semester is to workout at least 3 times a week. That may be 27 times less a week than these two, but it's a lot better than the 0 of last semester! Still, they are quite inspiring.

What inspires you to exercise, to live in healthy ways? Is it worth the effort? Do you need a personal trainer to see real results?

Is lying okay if you warn people first?

2008-10-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

Let me get this straight.

McCain announces that he will begin personal attacks on Obama.
McCain then makes good on that promise.
Obama then accuses McCain of smears.
McCain says they are all "true facts" (as opposed to "misleading facts," or "true lies," or just "lies").

Was the McCain strategy (or tactic? I obviously don't know the difference) to tell us in advance that he was going to be throwing mud so we wouldn't be so disgusted when it happened?

For those who "just can't vote for Obama" for whatever reason, you have my condolences that McCain is your only other viable option.

10/7 UPDATE: Obama throws back a few whoppers of his own. I'm going to go crawl into a hole. Are we all just resigned to the fact that our leaders are dishonest?

SNL VP Debate

2008-10-05T09:03:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite lines: "I do think it's patriotic to tell the government, 'Hey, get out of my way, stop trying to impose on my right to shoot wolves from a helicopter!'"

Gay Marriage & Some Real Threats to The Family

2008-09-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

A colleague and I led a discussion on lesbian and gay families in class last week. Here are some of the talking points from the text:

“Lesbians and gays are simultaneously depicted as chic and pioneering, and as a major sign of social deterioration and the source of the destruction of the family as we know it.”
“There is no uniform or normative definition for the “gay family” any more than there is for the “American family.”
“Governments, through social and family policies, determine the rights, rules, and benefits for families… in the process encouraging some family forms and discouraging others.”
“This fiery and continuing national debate has nothing to do with the success, mental or social health, or social responsibility of lesbian or gay couples and their children. It has everything to do with cultural struggles over the meaning of “family,” and protecting and preserving heterosexual marriage..."
“It is clear that gay and lesbian expressions of family and kinship are having profound effects on the larger society’s construction of these categories.”

What think Ye of these points? What would it be like to be simultaneously considered "pioneering" and a "sign of deterioration" (#1)? Legalizing gay marriage will have an effect on society. The important point is, what kind of effect? Should we widen the "legal" definition of a "married couple" or is it a threat to the heterosexual definition of The Family? Why?

I think the real threats to the "The Family" are poor parenting, disorganized attachment, lack of adequate health care, the idea that love = romance, and extremely poor emotional regulation and relationship skills, to name just a few. These problems exist in families across the board, despite sexual orientation, race, gender, religion, or ice-cream flavor preference.

Rather then spending so much time and money in California and elsewhere, imagine if we all put the same money and effort into providing effective mental health care, parent and couples education, and programs like Circle of Security? What if we went door to door and put up signs and made phone calls and read letters over the pulpit encouraging community action to work on these insidious problems that have been plaguing The Family for generations?

Conservatives turning on Palin? O Mitt, where art thou?

2008-09-26T15:07:00.000-07:00

From conservative website National Review Online:

"Some of the passionately feminist critics of Palin who attacked her personally deserved some of the backlash they received. But circumstances have changed since Palin was introduced as just a hockey mom with lipstick — what a difference a financial crisis makes — and a more complicated picture has emerged. As we’ve seen and heard more from John McCain’s running mate, it is increasingly clear that Palin is a problem. Quick study or not, she doesn’t know enough about economics and foreign policy to make Americans comfortable with a President Palin should conditions warrant her promotion...

Palin’s recent interviews with Charles Gibson, Sean Hannity, and now Katie Couric have all revealed an attractive, earnest, confident candidate. Who Is Clearly Out Of Her League. No one hates saying that more than I do. Like so many women, I’ve been pulling for Palin, wishing her the best, hoping she will perform brilliantly. I’ve also noticed that I watch her interviews with the held breath of an anxious parent, my finger poised over the mute button in case it gets too painful. Unfortunately, it often does. My cringe reflex is exhausted.

Palin filibusters. She repeats words, filling space with deadwood. Cut the verbiage and there’s not much content there. Here’s but one example of many from her interview with Hannity: “Well, there is a danger in allowing some obsessive partisanship to get into the issue that we’re talking about today. And that’s something that John McCain, too, his track record, proving that he can work both sides of the aisle, he can surpass the partisanship that must be surpassed to deal with an issue like this." ...

What to do?

McCain can’t repudiate his choice for running mate. He not only risks the wrath of the GOP’s unforgiving base, but he invites others to second-guess his executive decision-making ability. Barack Obama faces the same problem with Biden. Only Palin can save McCain, her party, and the country she loves. She can bow out for personal reasons, perhaps because she wants to spend more time with her newborn. No one would criticize a mother who puts her family first.

Do it for your country."

We are all addicts

2008-09-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

“There is dissatisfaction and frustration. Often nothing seems to go right. There really is a wound. But it is not necessary to scratch it. Working with addictions is about not just impulsively grabbing for something to stop the itching, not just grabbing for something to fill up the space, not giving in to this impulse to feel okay and just to get comfortable as soon as possible.

When we scratch the wound and give into our addictions we do not allow the wound to heal. But when we instead experience the raw quality of the itch or pain of the wound and do not scratch it, we actually allow the wound to heal. So not giving in to our addictions is about healing at a very basic level.”

~Pema Chödrön

We are all addicts, if not to drugs, gambling, pornography, or video games, then to the way we interact with each other. We often respond in predictable ways to getting cut off on the freeway, being defensive when we are criticized, or escalating conflict. It is an addiction, a habit that we can let go of. We can only know the extent of our habits if we have tried to stop.

If you don't think you have any addictions, I challenge you to observe the times when you habitually respond in a negative way to something or someone. You may have to ask a loved one for a few examples. I'm sure they'd be willing! Once you know what it is, go ahead and try to stop it next time you feel the urge. It is NOT an easy thing to do, because our brains have been wired over the course of our lives to respond in certain ways.

Also note that the term "addiction" is not in the DSM. "Addiction" is not necessarily the same thing as dependence, tolerance, or withdrawal as related to substances.

We can change, but it will require us to "allow ourselves to heal" and to not "scratch the itch" so to speak. It's not easy to rewire our brains--it may take years of practice.

For the record, some of my addictions include air conditioning, taking things personally, and needing my clients to like me. I also get defensive when N complains that I haven't cleaned the bathroom since we've been married. Granted those are not huge problems (well, you better ask her first) but thinking about this is a little disturbing to me. I don't want to be ruled by my habits or impulses, especially in my relationships. It's also something I like about being a counselor--helping others train themselves to let go of their habits and interact in positive ways.

Thankfully most of us are more in control than the couple in this video, but sometimes I feel like I have very little say in how I respond. This is something I am working on.

What are some of your habitual responses in relationships? What has your spouse been complaining about for years? Okay, so you might not respond to a complaint with "You're a liar!" but we all have room for improvement.

Just the Facts and some SNL Therapy

2008-09-19T10:38:00.000-07:00

"The ads are fast, furious, and factually flimsy."

Who's the bigger liar? I welcome proof otherwise, but McCain seems to be in the lead. Apparently reading my mind, SNL tries to make me feel better by putting a positive spin on McCain's ever-growing body of lies:

Joseph Smith and Losing Faith Over History

2008-09-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

This is a paper presented by historian Richard Bushman (author of "Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling") at the seminar "Joseph Smith and His Critics." It explains "the experience of Latter-day Saints who are or have been troubled by historical aspects of Joseph Smith and the restoration of the gospel."

Credit to BHodges for the text, and Deseret News and LDS.org for the photos.

Increasingly teachers and church leaders at all levels are approached by Latter-day Saints who have lost confidence in Joseph Smith and the basic miraculous events of church history. They doubt the First Vision, the Book of Mormon, many of Joseph’s revelations, and much besides. They fall into doubt after going on the Internet and finding shocking information about Joseph Smith based on documents and facts they had never heard before. A surprising number had not known about Joseph Smith’s plural wives. They are set back by differences in the various accounts of the First Vision. They find that Egyptologists do not translate the Abraham manuscripts the way Joseph Smith did, making it appear that the Book of Abraham was a fabrication. When they come across this information in a critical book or read it on one of the innumerable critical Internet sites, they feel as if they had been introduced to a Joseph Smith and a Church history they had never known before. They undergo an experience like viewing the famous picture of a beautiful woman who in a blink of an eye turns into an old hag. Everything changes. What are they to believe?

Often church leaders, parents, and friends, do not understand the force of this alternate view. Not knowing how to respond, they react defensively. They are inclined to dismiss all the evidence as anti-Mormon or of the devil. Stop reading these things if they upset you so much, the inquirer is told. Or go back to the familiar formula: scriptures, prayer, church attendance.

The troubled person may have been doing all of these things sincerely, perhaps even desperately. He or she feels the world is falling apart. Everything these inquirers put their trust in starts to crumble. They want guidance more than ever in their lives, but they don’t seem to get it. The facts that have been presented to them challenge almost everything they believe. People affected in this way may indeed stop praying; they don’t trust the old methods because they feel betrayed by the old system. Frequently they are furious. On their missions they fervently taught people about Joseph Smith without knowing any of these negative facts. Were they taken advantage of? Was the Church trying to fool them for its own purposes?

These are deeply disturbing questions. They shake up everything. Should I stay in the Church? Should I tell my family? Should I just shut up and try to get along? Who can help me?

At this point, these questioners go off in various directions. Some give up on the Church entirely. They find another religion or, more likely these days, abandon religion altogether. Without their familiar Mormon God, they are not sure there is any God at all. They become atheist or agnostic. Some feel the restrictions they grew up with no longer apply. The strength has been drained out of tithing, the Word of Wisdom, and chastity. They partly welcome the new freedom of their agnostic condition. Now they can do anything they please without fear of breaking the old Mormon rules. The results may not be happy for them or their families.

Others piece together a morality and a spiritual attitude that stops them from declining morally, but they are not in an easy place. When they go to church, they are not comfortable. Sunday School classes and Sacrament meeting talks about Joseph Smith and the early church no longer ring true. How can these people believe these “fairy tales,” the inquirers ask. Those who have absorbed doses of negative material live in two minds: their old church mind which now seems naive and credulous, and their new enlightened mind with its forbidden knowledge learned on the internet and from critical books.

A friend who is in this position described the mindset of the disillusioned member this way:

“Due to the process of learning, which they have gone through, these [two-minded] LDS often no longer accept the church as the only true one (with the only true priesthood authority and the only valid sacred ordinances), but they see it as a Christian church, in which good, inspired programs are found as well as failure and error. They no longer consider inspiration, spiritual and physical healing, personal and global revelation limited to the LDS church. In this context, these saints may attend other churches, too, where they might have spiritual experiences as well. They interpret their old spiritual experiences differently, understanding them as testimonies from God for them personally, as a result of their search and efforts, but these testimonies don’t necessarily have to be seen as a confirmation that the LDS church is the only true one.

“Since the social relationships between them and other ward (or stake) members suffer (avoidance, silence, even mobbing) because of their status as heretics, which is usually known via gossip, and since the extent of active involvement and range of possible callings are reduced because of their nonconformity in various areas, there is a risk that they end up leaving the church after all, because they are simply ignored by the majority of the other members.”

He then offers a recommendation:

“It is necessary that the church not only shows more support and openness to these ‘apostates’ but also teaches and advises all members, bishops, stake presidents etc., who usually don’t know how to deal with such a situation in terms of organizational and ecclesiastical questions and – out of insecurity – fail to treat the critical member with the necessary love and respect that even a normal stranger would receive.”

Those are the words of someone who has lost belief in many of the fundamentals and is working out a new relationship to the Church. Other shaken individuals recover their belief in the basic principles and events but are never quite the same as before. Their knowledge, although no longer toxic, gives them a new perspective. They tend to be more philosophic and less dogmatic about all the stories they once enjoyed. Here are some of the characteristics of people who have passed through this ordeal but managed to revive most of their old beliefs.

1. They often say they learned the Prophet was human. They don’t expect him to be a model of perfect deportment as they once thought. He may have taken a glass of wine from time to time, or scolded his associates, or even have made business errors. They see his virtues and believe in his revelations but don’t expect perfection.

2. They also don’t believe he was led by revelation in every detail. They see him as learning gradually to be a prophet and having to feel his way at times like most Church members. In between the revelations, he was left to himself to work out the methods of complying with the Lord’s commandments. Sometimes he had to experiment until he found the right way.

3. These newly revived Latter-day Saints also develop a more philosophical attitude toward history. They come to see (like professional historians) that facts can have many interpretations. Negative facts are not necessarily as damning as they appear at first sight. Put in another context along side other facts, they do not necessarily destroy Joseph Smith’s reputation.

4. Revived Latter-day Saints focus on the good things they derive from their faith–the community of believers, the comforts of the Holy Spirit, the orientation toward the large questions of life, contact with God, moral discipline, and many others. They don’t want to abandon these good things. Starting from that point of desired belief, they are willing to give Joseph Smith and the doctrine a favorable hearing. They may not be absolutely certain about every item, but they are inclined to see the good and the true in the Church.

At the heart of this turmoil is the question of trust. Disillusioned Latter-day Saints feel their trust has been betrayed. They don’t know whom to trust. They don’t dare trust the old feelings that once were so powerful, nor do they trust church leaders. They can only trust the new knowledge they have acquired. Those who come back to the Church are inclined to trust their old feelings. Their confidence in the good things they knew before is at least partially restored. But they sort out the goodness that seems still vital from the parts that now seem no longer tenable. Knowledge not only has given them a choice, it has compelled them to choose. They have to decide what they really believe. In the end, many are more stable and convinced than before. They feel better prepared to confront criticism openly, confident they can withstand it.

...

What way of speaking is most likely to win their trust and convince them we have their best interests at heart?

We began by agreeing that criticisms of Joseph Smith should not be dismissed as foolish or purely evil. The negative attacks that disturb first-time readers are usually based on facts, not merely prejudiced fabrications. To play down the force of the criticism, we believe, only convinces the seekers that we do not understand. We appear to be sweeping trouble under the rug. They may have been devastated by a criticism; we must show that we understand why. Consequently, the seminar took as its first principle to state the negative argument as fully and accurately as we can. We try not to minimize the difficulty or prejudice the case against the critic. In no other way can we persuade the doubters that we understand the problem.

Secondly, we try to avoid dogmatic answers. Rather than replace the dogmatic negative attacks of the critics with our own dogmatic answers, we attempt to show that a more positive interpretation is possible. Critics often claim that Joseph’s sins were so egregious as to utterly disqualify him as a prophet. We can understand their viewpoint, but we think there is another side to the story. Rather than destroy the critics, we want to loosen their grip. In the long run, we believe this approach will persuade questioners more effectively than claims to certainty where none is possible. We believe in stating our own strong convictions about the church as a whole, but we do not to pretend to perfect knowledge about complex historical questions.

We know that airing criticisms troubles many Latter-day Saints. Like most Church teachers, the members of the seminar do not want to draw attention to questions that will only unsettle faithful members. But we also feel that silence is not the answer. The absence of instruction troubles questioners more than anything. They feel they have been betrayed because they came through their Church classes ignorant of the devastating information now a few clicks away on the internet. The gaps in their education leave them disillusioned and angry.

...

We are encouraged by the scriptural recognition that not all have faith, and by the appealing remedy, “teach one another.” For many questioners, loneliness is the heart of the problems. No one seems to understand. We are enjoined by this scripture to find these seekers and bring them into a fellowship of inquiry. We hope that our papers will help Church teachers create safe havens where questions may be asked and answers explored--where we can teach one another."

If you've made it this far, first congratulations. Secondly, what do you think? Should doubt be embraced, explored, or should we avoid it at all costs? Have you or anyone close to you been disturbed by some of the skeletons in the history closet?

Mindful Living

2008-09-15T22:46:00.001-07:00

In one of the practices of mindfulness, as I understand it, one strives to be aware of and experience everything, from the fragrance of one's breakfast cereal to the sound of the locking the car door. It sounds kind of funny, but I actually enjoy noticing these things.

On a bigger scale, a professor of mine, when asked how he is doing often replies, "Just grateful to be alive." He does it in such an amiable and genuine way that it often causes me to ponder about my own life. Almost every day for the past week, I have thought that mantra to myself, sometimes even spoken aloud to someone else. I'm just grateful to be alive today. Every day is another day we get to learn and grow and share with others. May we all find happiness and be free from suffering.

O'Reilly Sounding Rational

2008-09-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

Bill O'Reilly sounding quite rational on the Lipstick fiasco:

Success & Meaning

2008-09-08T07:53:00.000-07:00

How I define my success:

How well am I interacting with those I am close to.
Working to ameliorate the suffering of others, and helping them grow.
How big my DVD collection is.

Okay, so number three creeps in there once in a while.

Nothing is more important to me in terms of personal success than learning to be a better partner or father or friend, through working on being less defensive, more considerate, and softer in my interactions.

Secondly, working to help others grow is also important to me. As I discussed last week, that all truth is a part of the gospel, I consider anything that helps someone to grow to be the same as "missionary work." Meeting someone in their sphere of life and promoting their growth within it, whether through a friendship or therapy is meaningful to me.

As for number three, I'm going to write this above my DVD cabinet:

"Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth."

How do you define success? What in your life gives you meaning?

Obama and Your Taxes

2008-09-04T06:25:00.000-07:00

What is the difference between misleading and lying?

According to Sarah Palin last night, if you vote for Obama your taxes will go up.

"The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes ... raise payroll taxes ... raise investment income taxes ... raise the death tax ... raise business taxes ... and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars. My sister Heather and her husband have just built a service station that's now opened for business - like millions of others who run small businesses. How are they going to be any better off if taxes go up?"

The truth is, if you make over $250,000 your taxes will go up. I guess if you're making over 250k per year, by all means don't vote for Obama. If you make less than that (most of America), you will see a tax cuts up to 5% by 2012... Well, we'll see if that one comes true. Also, if anyone knows, isn't that personal income Obama would be taxing? How would that affect a business?

In fact, under Obama the middle class will pay less than under McCain, (5% vs. 3%). So lets leave the "Obama is going to raise my taxes" complaint to the rich. Well, 250k is rich for me. So is 100, or 200. Should this number be higher or lower?

There will be more half-truths to come, from both sides I'm sure.

Truth

2008-09-01T10:47:00.000-07:00

[This post will start a sometimes weekly sharing of my beliefs, and a dissemination of wisdom (be careful of confusing those two). I encourage amiable discussion, opposing views, and scurvy rejoinders.]

Photo by jayacg17

“We should gather all the good and true principles in the world and treasure them up, or we shall not come out true Mormons.” ~ Joseph Smith

“One of the grand fundamental principles of Mormonism is to receive truth. Let it come from where it may.” ~ Joseph Smith

“The fundamental principle that has guided my religious life is that I need believe only what is true. The gospel is the truth as learned or discovered by whatever means and tools I can lay my hand or mind on.” ~ Henry Eyring

I believe that science and religion are compatible; as a believer and a scientist, I am convinced they must be, ultimately. There is much we don’t know yet in science, and there is much we don’t know in religion. Bringing science into religion can provide a sifting process to discard the error and the myth. Religion has much to add in turn. Eyring said,

"It is the great mission and opportunity of religion to teach men "the way, the truth, the life," that they might utilize the discoveries of the laboratory to their blessing and not to their destruction. There is need for added spirituality, of the kind that leads to brotherhood, to go hand in hand with the scientific progress of our time."

May we all have the courage to seek truth from whatever the source, and to use that truth to the blessing of our fellow human beings.

*Prajna is a Sanskrit word for clear seeing, wisdom, or understanding.

VP or: McCain's Third Mate

2008-08-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

John McCain announced this morning that Sarah Palin will be his running mate. She has only been a governor for 2 years (in Alaska) but she is a member of the NRA, so I guess the elephants will like her. It's funny he found someone with less time in office than Obama. What do you think?

Do you think he should have chosen Mitt Romney, or would that have completely ended his chances?

Are you more likely to vote for McCain with a woman VP (because really, she has a better chance than Biden of filling in as headmaster)?

Would this set up a future Hillary C. vs. Sarah P. run for POTUS in 2016? Does her nomination decrease Clinton's future appeal, or does it pave the way (hopefully) for more women in office?

How does her two years as a governor compare to Obama's two as a senator?

She has a four month-old baby boy with Downs Syndrome. She is also a career woman. Can her husband do as good of a job raising him?

mormon matters: Taxes = Satan?

2008-08-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

Do taxes rob people of their free agency and subvert the Great Plan of Happiness?

Here's a common LDS sentiment that I seem to have a hard time avoiding:

“[Forcing] me to pay for the upkeep of another is simply the application of Satan's plan here on earth.”

Read my post here.

Piled higher & Deeper

2008-08-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

Applying to PhD programs in the next few months (Clinical Psychology, unless otherwise noted). Possibly ordered in terms of preference:

Utah
North Carolina
UCLA
Utah State - Combined Clinical, Counseling & School Psychology
Arkansas
University of Nevada-Reno
UC Santa Barbara - Combined Clinical, Counseling, & School Psychology
BYU
Indiana - Counseling Psychology
Purdue - Counseling Psychology
Nebraska - JD/PhD (Law & Clinical Psychology)

Wow, 'UCLA, really?' you say? After three months of non-stop vocab study and attempting to learn some math, I actually did pretty well on the GRE (entrance exam) -- much better than I thought I was going to do. I Improved from 50th percentile on the verbal section (from 2 years ago) to 95th. I was so shocked when I got my score that my hands were shaking and I felt light-headed on the way home.

Almost sorta famous

2008-08-18T22:18:00.000-07:00

I was contacted today by Schmap, makers of free digital map guides, about this photo that I took in Hawaii in March. Apparently it is on a "short list" to be used in a publication in the near future.

I was excited, until I realized a small problem. The guide it would be used in is for Sydney, Australia, while the photo is of the convention center in Honolulu, which pretended to be the Sydney airport for (the best show ever) LOST. Maybe no one will notice.

Music of My First 25 years

2008-08-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

Some music I grew up with (thanks to my Dad's Saturday morning pancakes and cranked-up music) and some I have liked later on... I remember being so obsessed with an Offspring album that I was singing it to myself during Pioneer Trek and then put it on the first thing after we got home, even before changing out of the pioneer garb. I also remember thinking that I wouldn't be able to listen to it in heaven (because it wasn't allowed at Trek, of course!)

I still like Lionel Richie... :)

Thanks to Hill Family for the inspiration for this post.

Olympic Photos

2008-08-10T08:39:00.001-07:00

Judo:

Apparently a lot of the babies born on the opening day were named after the olympic mascots:

Michael Phelps:

Last but not least, the President:

Misty May was trying to coax POTUS into slapping her butt, but he made the wise choice of the back of the hand to the lower back.

Obamaprophecy, compressed cheerleaders, and spoiled Twilight fans

2008-08-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

So much to blog about after the vacation... an assemblage:

~~False prophet~~ Religious pundit assures us all with his proclamation that Obama is not the Antichrist, but then scares us again with the ~~prophecy~~ verbal vomit that Obama is the one paving the way for the Antichrist. I consider myself sensitive to other cultures, but people that believe this stuff are really scaring me.
26 teenage cheerleaders try to ride a dorm elevator at the same time. Repairman spends 25 minutes "extricating" them after said elevator breaks down, at the rate of one cheerleader every 57.7 seconds.
My parents wouldn't let us get a trampoline. Perhaps this was one of their fears.
Twilight author allegedly "spoils" her own book, sending ~~thousands of teenage girls~~ everyone on the planet into a frenzy. Chillax, she replies. She didn't spoil all of it.
McCain says we're better off than we were 8 years ago, but not 4 years ago...
Video archive of Letterman's Top 10 lampooning Obama's aplomb mysteriously disappears from CBS website... but can still be found on YouTube, of course! No media bias, heh. What ev. CBS did balance it out a little though with Letterman's Obama "uh" count.

My first and last link to anything Paris Hilton

2008-08-06T10:41:00.001-07:00

I never thought I'd be promoting Paris (nor Hilton), so let this be the only time, with her (or her PR person's) response to being compared to Obama:

Her campaign website: VoteParis2008.

McCain's original ad:

From the High School Archives

2008-07-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

It’s amazing what you can find on the Intertubes. Thinking back to high school (I know, the agony) I wondered if some of my stuff from the school newspaper was still there. It was. Lest it fall into further Interwebian oblivion, here are some keepers:

Some cartoons:
One of my friends (thanks Judd) on the staff got the crazy idea that I could do political cartoons. My first one managed to offend many, so I consider it a success. Feel free to be offended. For a high school newspaper I probably should have left the first letter of the profane verbages off, but I was trying to go for realism...

Reactions ranged from, “It was rude and inconsiderate” to “Hey I go to seminary and swear all the time--the cartoon was awesome!” The truth is, I was on a self-righteous anti-swearing brigade from age 14-18. (Not using profanity being the only thing that differentiated me from the jocks, of course. Well, that and dates.)

Trying to go a little more mainstream with this one--with a nod to my mother’s anti-mouse weapon of choice.

The last one was inspired by an AP Physics teacher who wouldn’t let us out during the fire alarms… we did have them almost daily though. Don’t let the phrase “AP Physics" fool you. I nearly failed that class, and it confirmed to me that I didn’t belong in the so-called “hard” sciences. Hello, Psych!

Some excerpts from an editorial (that portends my future in ersatz intellectual blogging):

Thank goodness for MTV
A bill was passed to take any talk of sex out of health classes. What next, taking God out of seminary? Or how about banning music from choir classes? I can imagine what it would be like during registration... "Let's see, I can take either 'Beginning Air Guitar', 'Plastic Child Development,' or 'Tonka Trucks Repair.'"

We're all just a bunch of little Dantes
In a recent issue of the Deseret News, Utah was said to be a very clean and moral state. In an article on the next page, 60% of Utah teens were said to be sexually active. Oh, I get it. Morality must mean not knowing anything. Since future Utah scientists won't know anything about AIDS, they can always work on finding a cure for hitchhiker's thumb or something else equally as important.

Not everyone has it as easy as Brian M*****
Why does Prom have to be so early? I know it wasn't as early as ***** High's Prom (February), but how am I supposed to get a date in such a short period of time? All right, I confess. I wouldn't be able to get a date if I had two years to try. But that is beside the point. I'm sure there are others who think Prom should be in May.

I loved being on the Newspaper staff. I often skipped other classes and stayed for hours after school rewriting headlines (if I didn’t think they were witty enough), and getting the paper ready. Being able to share some of my thoughts in print and know that at least three people would read it gave me a sense of satisfaction. I suppose that is why I blog. For those who are reading this, your IP addresses do not go unnoticed. Thanks for reading. :)

Actor says enough is enough!

2008-07-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

British actress Keira Knightley (Pirates of the Caribbean) did not appreciate it when (in 2004) her breasts were enlarged on a promotional poster for a movie.

...the before and after... notice the tan enhancement as well...

Apparently these producers can't help themselves because they've tried to do it again (for a new movie) and this time she put her foot down. Kudos to her and any actor that refuses dubious digital enhancement. That poor studio. What are they going to do with such an obdurate actor? Just think of all the revenue that smash hit King Arthur would have lost if they did not have such a pneumatic poster?

My favorite comment from the article:
"If the size of her breasts were so integral to the movie and marketing, then they should've hired an actress that had the requisite size."

Why do we not hold presidential candidates up to our own standards?

2008-07-26T14:21:00.000-07:00

These are things that would keep them out of the FBI, or prevent them from getting a faculty position at most universities, yet somehow it is condoned if one is running for President. Perhaps we have no one that could measure up to flawless standards, but one does have to wonder…

Cindy McCain ran her fingers through her husband’s hair and teased, "You're getting a little thin up there." He reddened and fired back, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c*nt." McCain later apologized saying he’d had a long day.

Any wives out there that accept verbal abuse based on a “long day”? What will President McCain say to the Chinese ambassador after a long day?

Here’s McCain on a good day:

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."

Not to be partisan, here are two gems from Obama:

"...I've got two daughters… I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby."

The principle seems off here. If they make a mistake, he doesn’t want them to face the consequences?

"The point I was making was not that Grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn't. But she is a typical white person..."

I’m not sure what he means here, but I’ve often been critiqued for making generalizations around my colleagues… can someone this high get away with it?

I do not intend to slam both candidates, nor suggest that we should view it as choosing ‘the lesser of two evils.' We should choose the candidate we think is best for the job. My question is, should a presidential candidate be held up to higher scrutiny or personal standards than a daycare worker or a substitute teacher? No offense to those honorable positions, but this is the highest office in the country.

I have had four background checks (for work and school) in the past two years, and have been told to be wary of what I write here, lest future employers base their hiring decisions on my words. Do politicians get away with abuse or questionable judgment because they have a monopoly on candidacy?

Oh yeah, and McCain committed adultery in his "immature" 40's, and Obama is the Antichrist. People believe both of those. One of them is true.

Mamma Mia!

2008-07-19T05:54:00.000-07:00

It has generally mixed reviews, but last night I saw Mamma Mia! and had probably the most fun I’ve ever had at a movie. Normally I don’t care about the rest of the audience at movies but it made this one feel like a live stage production. If you like musicals, and you can allow yourself to have some non-cynical fun, this one is highly recommended.

It started off with a trailer for HSM3, which I think was supposed to be a serious preview, but had the audience roaring (check it out around 0:53). The first High School Musical was bearable for a TV movie. This one (at least the trailer) looks unintentionally funny--never a good sign.

Back to the movie – Meryl Streep was really good. It was neat to see a 50-something actress carry a leading role that would normally go to someone 20 years younger, and do well at it. Pierce Brosnan was campy and does not have much of a voice, but I think he was aware of that fact so his singing parts feel like he intentionally hammed it up. The songs are all popular ABBA numbers--it’s immediately engaging. There was also a story but you’re not going to care once the musical numbers get going.

If you absolutely detest ABBA, you may not like this movie. Otherwise, GO! See it in a big crowd while you can, and go with someone who can let loose and have some fun!

A+: my expectations were lowered by the 53% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, so I was quite surprised by how entertaining it was. Mamma Mia! is rated 4.1.3 (PG-13) on Kids-in-mind for some sex-related humor.

Kitties can have IBS too.

2008-07-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

Our cat Old Prospector used to struggle a little bit too. She never ate any toys, but she did succeed in BMing half her small intestine, which required some surgery that left her with a shaven rear for a few weeks. She was very embarrassed by the whole ordeal, as you can imagine.

63 year-old Mirren works a bikini

2008-07-17T19:52:00.000-07:00

After my recent post gave some unwarranted advertising to the men on a mission, I wanted to balance out the bare navel time and follow up with something a little more classy. To the right is a picture taking the Internet by storm of 63 year-old Oscar winning actress Helen Mirren. She has not had surgery, works out at the gym, and tries to eat a healthy diet. There's an article about it here.

Here she is in The Queen, which incidentally is a very good movie (96% on Rotten Tomatoes), and as you can see she is a bit more dressed playing the Queen of England.

mormon matters: Celestial Marriage Amendment

2008-07-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

I read this letter in the Salt Lake Tribune this morning, and even though I know it’s a satirical slam, I could not help but agree with the idea proposed. Is that bad?

“Marriage for all eternity is being threatened. Many male members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are married to multiple women in heaven. Even today, prominent LDS general authorities are also polygamists in heaven. I believe in the importance of eternal marriage; therefore I would like to propose a "Celestial Marriage Amendment" that would define marriage in heaven as "one man married to one woman."

Who is not an environmentalist?

2008-07-17T06:57:00.000-07:00

18 out of 20 people in the poll here so far agreed we should take care of the environment. (For the record, one person who voted "worship it" actually wanted to vote "fear it" but that was not available so they "chose the next best thing.") We all probably suspected that would be the case. The real issue may be to what extent should we take care of the environment? This also made me wonder, am I an environmentalist?

I buy growth-hormone free whole milk for my son.
I believe that we are stewards of the earth, that we should use our resources carefully, and not put the economy above our friends the tree frogs without giving it a second thought.
I hugged a tree while I was in Hawaii.
I think we should practice the 3 R's even when it's inconvenient.
I eat some animals, but am mindful that their lives were sacrificed. Recently in a prayer before eating some chicken I even noted that to God and my wife and I started giggling. It just sounded funny, you know? But I am mindful, and grateful.
I like organic food.
I turn off the water when I brush my teeth, and try to take short showers.
I enjoyed An Inconvenient Truth and Who Killed The Electric Car?
I don't know how I feel about more drilling. If it would prevent wars (which is what McCain seems to insinuate) I could definitely see the use. It does however seem like giving more crack to an addict rather than dealing with the problem.
I think we have a responsibility to take care of animals, and treat them with respect.

To what extent should we take care of the environment? When do we go to far? When do we not go far enough? Should animals have rights? Are shopping malls more important than wildlife?

Wall-E: Clever installment from Pixar, or leftist propaganda?

2008-07-14T07:21:00.000-07:00

In a recent post I compared some of my views with Glenn Beck’s to see how moderate I am. I found that I agreed with him maybe half the time; that like I thought, I am somewhere in the middle politically. Recently I saw the movie Wall-E. Very enjoyable Pixar movie, and more unique then most anime fare. In fact, it has a 97% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, which is extremely high.

Well, yesterday I was talking to a friend about it and he asked me about the apparent liberal/political bent that the movie has that conservative radio has been buzzing about. My response: "huh?"

I didn’t notice it. Honestly I thought there were more similarities to The Matrix than An Inconvenient Truth (which it is being compared to). In the movie Wall-E is a trash-compacting, Hello Dolly-loving mini-robot trying to clean up the mountains of garbage that humanity has left behind (humans are now living on a space station, owned by the same corporation that produced most of the garbage). His only friend is a cockroach, of course.

So where is the political propaganda? I didn’t see it. Sure the movie has a pro-environment message, but really, who isn’t pro-environment? Everyone likes trees and clean water and other living things. We’re all environmentalists to some extent (please vote in the poll to the left), and I think Wall-E is a fun movie for all ages that is NOT going to make or break the election this November, or convert any of our nations youth into Al Gore worshipers.

Some quotes:

"The environment talk started to freak me out… I don't have much of a political bent, and the last thing I want to do is preach. I just went with things that I felt were logical for a possible future and supported the point of my story, which was the premise that irrational love defeats life's programming, and that the most robotic beings I've met are us." ~Andrew Stanton (Pixar)

“From the first moment of the film, my kids were bombarded with leftist propaganda about the evils of mankind.” ~Shannen Coffin

“And I just see Wally and he's on the Earth and he's cleaning stuff up and I looked at my wife and I said, it's a frickin' global warming movie…” ~Glenn Beck

“Conservative bloggers have dismissed the film's environmental bent as left-wing propaganda, while eco-lobbyists are suspicious of a pro-recycling film that will generate mountains of disposable Disney merchandise.” ~The Independent

I can see the irony of the last quote, but I don’t think Pixar is blind to the fact that they too are a big corporation, and there will be a lot of Wall-E toys in landfills in the near future.

What do you think? Did you see Wall-E and think it was propaganda? Am I more liberal than I thought?

Sex Sells/Nephites Exposed

2008-07-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

I just couldn't resist this juxtaposition:

This is actually old news, but now the maker of the calendar is up for discipline (he hasn't been active for 6 years, so I don't see what the controversy is about)... they are both muscly, but it appears that the 2,000 sons have better tans. Really though, one group is trying to share the gospel via war, and the other via sexy calendars... What's really amusing is the url for the calendar: mormonsexposed.com... "mormons exposed" or "mormon-sex-posed"? Kind of sneaky with that one.

What do you think? Is this non-news? Sensationalistic to even be reporting? I'm sure the man's calendar sales will go through the roof now that Fox has covered it, and some helpless girls out there will no doubt have their interest in the gospel piqued by those pectorals.

not the same

2008-07-09T09:56:00.000-07:00

I just found out one of my clients passed away.

He was my age, but knew a lot more of the nature of suffering. Constant pain, all kinds of illnesses; one left him paralyzed. Had only been in for one session, depressed. “I still go fishing, but it’s not the same.”

Why do you abhor/love political discussions?

2008-07-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

Recently for dinner I had homemade chicken enchiladas, a moderately sized bowl of Tillamook vanilla bean ice-cream, and a semi-charged discussion with a good friend about the morality of taxes.

He actively participated yet also averred his disdain for politics, (no question about the enchiladas here; as my father often says, “tortillas are way better than wonder bread”). My wife has also oft been inundated by a blitzkrieg of political discussion by my family and I, I think from the third date on. (That’s how we did things in our family, I guess… you know, first date hug, second date kiss, third date intense political discussion.)

I am intrigued as to why people so abhor political discussion. Maybe it’s me. After all, I did attempt to describe to my aforementioned friend that evening how I am both a socialist and a libertarian… But really though, why doesn’t everyone just love political discussion?

I get excited when discussing politics, but it is not schadenfreude (not trying to sound pseudo-intellectual, just practicing my vocab); I don’t take pleasure in starting agitating discussions (okay, maybe sometimes) but I like it when my views are disputed. I especially enjoy the challenge of remaining calm and disinterested when the other party is noticeably feverish… maybe that is a little sado-narcissitic (made-up word)…

Perhaps some people don’t like their latent negative emotions that come up during political discussion. Maybe they don’t feel competent, and don’t want to feel ignorant. Maybe they don’t care. Some people do care, but may not think debating the (un)controversy of Obama’s Robin Hood tax plan or McCain’s sordid marital history is going to solve anything.

Are you a lover/allergic to political discussions? Why or why not? Also, check out the related poll on the left.

New URL or: More bumptious self-aggrandizement. And websites.

2008-07-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I paid $10 to register "www.shenpawarrior.com" as my new URL. The old link will forward to this one, but you really should link to the new address instead because it's just like totally so much cooler.

Also, in my quest for finding the coolest websites (for the left column), I've found some real keepers:

Howcast - videos on how to do anything from cleaning your grill to making a move on the couch during a movie.
iliketotallyloveit - things that people buy, that they like totally love.
Robert Kirby - the only man in Salt Lake who writes stuff that the MOs, ex-MOs, and anti-MOs can all laugh at.
Urban Dictionary - gives an urban word of the day, like "carbon guilt."

Those are all under "The Others" heading--the other two are "News & Politics" (which, I need to point out, contains quite a balance on the political spectrum. Possibly the most balanced news/blog feed, ever) and "Science & Religion."

Under "News" you can also find FactCheck, which tells us when politicians are equivocating, or just plain lying, (like Obama's new ad that says he worked his way through school, when according to his campaign staff he only worked two summers). Check out that site during the debates this November and you will be appalled at how often all the candidates distort everything.

They're constantly updating so there will always be all kinds of good stuff for your perusal.

10,000 Hits!

2008-06-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

I would like thank my readers (and the hordes of people who have searched Google looking to remedy their shenpa but not found it here, lol sorry about that) who have contributed to my snobbery. Self high-five!

In recognition of this scintilla of an achievement, I have added a third column (to the left) containing all sorts of interesting political, tech, movie, and science links. Please leave a comment if there are any sites or blogs that I could add to it, or any that you like.

Mormon Matters: A letter from my sister...

2008-06-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Perhaps our feelings about tomorrow’s letter were abreacted in last week’s [on Mormon Matters] diverse and sporadically acerbic discussion. My purpose in this post is to highlight some of the feelings and views of one who is connected to many aspects of the Church’s political action regarding gay marriage. My sister Emily is a lawyer in California, and gay (also kind, witty, and sagacious, but that is beside the point). Her journey through life has had a positive and profound impact on my family and I. I have learned a lot from her, but this issue specifically has inspired me to be more thoughtful and considerate of those who are different from my straight white male middle-class American self (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

I have often contemplated on the thought that members with gay friends or family often seem to feel differently than those who do not (or who are not aware of it). The following is from an email regarding this topic she recently sent to the rest of our family and some friends. Continue reading...

Glenn Beck's Conservatism or: Am I Really a Moderate?

2008-06-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

As a former democrat, current so-called "conservatively liberal moderate," and member of the "Vague Center" on the Bloghive, I have often wondered if I'm not really just a wolf (or donkey) in sheep's clothing (what is the animal for moderates anyway?) A church-going, ban-prayers-in-school believing, birth-control supporting political fugazi. I recently read this article by everyone's favorite (lol) Glenn Beck, on what conservatives believe. I decided to put some of my thoughts next to his to see just how moderate (conservative?) I really am...

1. "A conservative believes that our inalienable rights do not include housing, healthcare or Hummers."

I believe that there should be no poor among us, that government should not have to step in with their flawed programs (like Medicaid), that we should all be picking up our neighbor when they fall. However, this is obviously not happening. Too many of us are selfish, and too many are lazy. I do think we all have a right to a new Prius, however. Or maybe just a Segway.

2. "A conservative believes that our inalienable rights DO include the pursuit of happiness. That means it is guaranteed to no one."

I agree with this, sort of. I believe happiness is not a right, and is developed in the mind once one's basic needs are met. I think basic needs are a right, according to one's ability.

3. "A conservative believes that those who pursue happiness and find it have a right to not be penalized for that success."

I do not believe that wealth = success. And those who follow this Epicurean mantra will never be satisfied (just ask my wife about my DVD collection). Also, if the wealthy are not sharing willingly with the poor and the widows and the orphans, I have no problem with some of their wealth being taken from them.

4. "A conservative believes that there are no protections against the hardship and heartache of failure. We believe that the right to fail is just as important as the chance to succeed and that those who do fail learn essential lessons that will help them the next time around."

I agree, to an extent. We must have the freedom to fail. We must not take away life lessons from our children, or anyone else, for that matter. However, when does failure become a destruction of one's life?

5. "A conservative believes in personal responsibility and accepts the consequences for his or her words and actions."

Me too.

6. "A conservative believes that each of us has a duty to take care of our neighbors. It was private individuals, companies and congregations that sent water, blankets and supplies to New Orleans far before the government ever set foot there."

YES!!!! The only problem is, many do not have decent neighbors. Or their neighbors are in the same condition they are.

7. "A conservative believes that debt creates unhealthy relationships. Everyone, from the government on down, should live within their means and strive for financial independence."

YES! Anyone listen to Dave Ramsey?

Lastly, if anyone has any sort of "Liberal" or "Progressive" creed that I could do a similar exercise with, please let me know.

Some research on gay fathers...

2008-06-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

...with no religious credo, political bent, or personal elucidation attached:

Children of gay parents are not more likely to be gay themselves.
They may have a more difficult time being judged by their peers.
They tend to develop a less prejudicial view of the world.
Gay fathers place greater emphasis on verbal communication.
They show more consistency in enforcing limits.
They respond more reliably to the perceived needs of their children.

(From Fatherneed, by Kyle Pruett, M.D, and The Value of Children to Gay and Heterosexual Fathers by Bigner & Jacobsen.)

Do you have any research (cogent conjectures and scurvy rejoinders are also welcome) to add to this? I am interested.

When Moral Issues Become Political Issues

2008-06-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

My erudite and witty friend Ray wrote a great post today on political vs. moral issues, and what happens when they are merged.

From the post: "Given that I can’t support outlawing all abortions, and that I can’t support outlawing all abortions with the exceptions of rape, health of the mother and viability of the baby, all that is left for me is to leave the decision in the hands of the individual mother (and father, where applicable) and let them deal with the moral consequences of their decisions."

Check it out! It is particularly relevant for Mormons and others who are concerned about moral issues in politics, on either side of the fence.

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars

2008-05-29T10:40:00.000-07:00

According to the Strong Interest Inventory, my top 5 career interest areas are:

Religion & Spirituality
Performing Arts
Athletics
Writing & Mass Communication
Visual Arts & Design.

Top five occupations:

Musician
College Instructor
Editor
Advertising Account Manager
ESL Instructor

Apparently I need to sing about spirituality... which will it be, Yusuf Islam or Janice Kapp Perry? Maybe Thurl Bailey.

Areas of least interest:

Entrepreneurship
Programming & Information Systems
Finance & Investing

Bottom five occupations:

I guess this means I will have to give up my dream of teaching livestock management and running sputum tests.

McCain on Oil and Iraq:

2008-05-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

This quote was given a few weeks ago, but I came across it today:

"My friends, I will have an energy policy that we will be talking about, which will eliminate our dependence on oil from the Middle East that will -- that will then prevent us -- that will prevent us from having ever to send our young men and women into conflict again in the Middle East..."

So what he's saying is, if we were not dependent on oil from the Middle East, then we would not have started the war? Has he retracted this statement? He can't seriously believe this, can he? What about those of us that were told we invaded Iraq to free the Iraqis or to take down Saddam, or to fight terror?

mormon matters: all we can do

2008-05-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

“We know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” Many of us seem to break out into hives when this scripture is mentioned. A while back I read a comment about this scripture (by a member of the church) that suggested the “after all we can do” should be left off the next time someone uses it in a talk. What does “all we can do” mean, and why does it bother us? Continue reading...