Saturday, November 10

learn to live with what you are

am i a fake? do people see me differently than i see myself? than i actually am? am i considerate enough to be married to her? am i caring enough to be his father? what do people see in me—and is it accurate? can it ever be accurate? Aaagg. why cant i do better? what does better mean anyway? what is progression? what is with my spirituality? why do i have to question so much? what is emotion? i have to feel superior, or else i am nothing. i have to be competitive, have a good chance, or i am nothing. i don’t like just fitting in a meaningless role. does a bigger role even matter? Aaggg. why do i get defensive? why do i bother? why does it matter? can we both be right? what does right mean? is it more important to compromise than to stay? life is ironic. there is no meaning, yet we live. does it all come down to signals in our brains? why do i act smarter than i am? why do i need to appear a certain way? what am i doing? why do i wait to get things done? what is the meaning of doing things? why am i in this field? it seems to only be mucking up my life right now. cant i just be a locksmith or something like that? sometimes my brain tells me to feel good. i like that. its nice. my wife is pleasing on the brain. she makes delicious cookies. they are pleasing to my brain as well. maybe ill be a grocery bagger. or a wood carver. or a demolition man.


  1. I want to be a lounge singer. Or a waitress in a weird little diner in a weird little town.

  2. I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike, I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it where I like.

    [m.a.: Tonopah, Nevada. I think they were hiring when I passed through a couple years back.]

  3. I wouldn't mind the weird little town, as long as I could have a hound dog named ol' Bob or something.


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